If I could take a brief break here from my usual sarcastic, dark humor, I wanted to talk about something serious. Regularly scheduled programming will resume soon.
Recently, right before the holidays, a friend of mine had tragedy strike. Her step-mother was 2 weeks from full term and one day wasn't feeling her baby daughter move any more. A quick trip to the hospital revealed that the baby had passed, and was delivered still-born.
My friend was reluctant to tell me this news, not wanting to upset me given my current condition. While I appreciate her consideration, I'm glad she did. Not only so I can offer her condolences and sympathize, but because it has made me appreciate every kick, jab, and wriggle that much more. It hasn't gotten painful yet, but when she starts in on my ribs or various organs, I'll grin and bear it that much easier just being glad that she's moving around in the first place.
It also inspired a conversation with my husband about what we'd do if something like that were to happen to us. I've read about an organization (that hopefully you, or I, or anyone we know will never have to use) that has photographers who volunteer to take photos of stillborn babies for the family to remember them by. If you need a good cry or are feeling too optimistic today, you can visit their site here: Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I would want this. I would always have the option to not look at the photos, but never to take them again.
She wasn't sure if it would be "OK" to tell other pregnant women about what happened. I told her I think it depends on the woman. I appreciated knowing, but wish that they knew WHY it happened. Knowing why gives us a feeling of empowerment over the situation, however realistic it may or may not be. A close friend recently lost his three month old nephew to SIDS. Tragic, certainly. However, it sounds like the baby was put down in his parents bed (for various reasons), not his crib, and the extra bedding and softer mattress may have been a factor. Even if it wasn't, at least we can say "We'll never do THAT!" and feel better about our chances of avoiding a similar fate.
I had a friend (Tyler) in high school die from sleep apnea, which some think is just a more adult version of SIDS. One day he was here, the next he wasn't. If there was ever perfect timing for something that tragic to happen, he had it. The day before my Drama class (of which he was a part of) had a day long field trip to a local school to teach improv and perform. We were all good friends and several of us were especially close with Ty. I (after this sudden and unexplainable urge) had brought my camera and documented the day, including lunch at Crossroads Mall afterward. I seem to remember we then wound up at someone's house and watched movies and played pool. It was a great day spent with a bunch of great friends. Any other day would have been just another school day or weekend where we wouldn't have spent nearly as much time together, or had as many reasons to take photos. The next day, he was gone.
That was a rough way to deal with mortality at 17, and there was nothing and no one to be mad at. No drunk driver, no cautionary tale about drugs. Just... sleeping. However, in retrospect, there were some warning signs, mainly that he snored like a truck driver and when teased asked "have you ever woken up and realized that you haven't been breathing for awhile?" Yikes! We certainly wished we'd taken that more seriously, but what teen thinks they're that vulnerable, especially in regards to... terminal snoring?
So since then I've encouraged, nagged, begged and frightened several friends and family members (and even some total strangers) to go get tested. Several of them either had surgery and/or sleep with a machine now, and it's transformed and even possibly saved their lives. That's the silver lining I take out of all of this. So, here's my PSA... put your babies to sleep on their backs on an approved crib mattress, with no pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, bumpers or other things that can get near their faces, and if you know someone who snores like an angry, drunk bear, and/or stops breathing while sleeping or wakes up coughing/choking... they need to be checked. Their friends and loved ones will thank them, and so will Tyler and my friends' nephew and sister.
Peace and love to you all. ~S
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