Sausage, Unicorns and Childbirth, Oh My!

So, I think I'm going to be OK with the nitty gritty details of childbirth. Pain, while not a fan, the idea of it isn't freaking me out. Various people interacting with my bajanga for potentially many hours, OK, we're all adults here, do what you gotta do. Bodily fluids, waiting, exhaustion, frustration, false starts, painful endings... I'm trying to brace myself as much as is possible by someone who has never experienced such a thing.

One thing I'm a little paranoid about is the aftermath (and I'm not talking about our daughter here) and my husband seeing this and being scared away forever. Now he has no such worries, he's been trained as an EMT and stuff like that just doesn't bother him. It's just my issue I've focused on for some reason. A quote from Stewie on Family Guy about throwing a hot dog down a hallway comes to mind every time I think about it. Yeah, I've read all the stuff that says six weeks later things will be good as new(ish), but I've also seen several natural birthing videos where women aren't screaming and swearing like sailors as a giant baby emerges from an impossibly small opening and I don't really believe that either.

I'm OK with him watching the crowning, but after that it's eyes up here! It's like that saying about sausage... you may love sausage, but do you really want to see where it comes from? It might forever change the experience for you. Could you go the rest of your life without sausage? Would you still enjoy it the same? I dunno...

Anyway... I believe this little paranoia of mine is what inspired this dream the other night. There's no context aside from me seeing a black chalkboard with white writing on it. I have the impression that I was trying to come up with a t-shirt or bumper sticker slogan. All it says is "Watching your child being born is like looking up a unicorn's ass to see where the magic comes from." Then I woke up.

Make of it what you will, but if it's t-shirts or bumper stickers, I get one and a share of the proceeds!

(By the way, I seriously love Google Images. I typed in "unicorn, ass" and that's what came up. Perfect!)

Pregnancy Has Turned Me Into a Hormonal Psycho!

(For those of you hoping for a bit of schadenfreude, you're about to be disappointed.)

So, one of my big fears about being pregnant (after general health issues for me and the baby) were based on  the horror stories about how pregnant women are so overrun with hormones that they just break down crying one minute and are raging psychos the next with seemingly little control over their mind (this goes hand in hand with my fear of growing older and Alzheimer's, but that's a ways off). Ugh!

So, I've found that my hormones have definitely come into play and turned me into this raging worthy-of-Bad-Girl's-Club-and-Bridezillas bitch... but only in my dreams. (Told you) As I mentioned before, I've been having these very vivid and realistic dreams pretty much every night. Several of them are about me going into these raging fits, the throwing-things-around-the-room-while-screaming type fit. For no good reason. I even know I have no good reason while I'm having this fit in my dream. I wake up drained and with a residual adrenaline rush and feelings of anger at whomever my dream fit was about, but they go away quickly, but it makes my stomach hurt (more) and makes it hard to go back to sleep (which is difficult these days anyways).

I had one last night, fighting with my Mom about something. It was right after I woke up crying from a dream about my Grandma where she was teaching me swing and Charleston moves. I'm always somewhat lucid at some point in these dreams, rationalizing that it has to be a dream, but trying to convince myself that it's not because I'm enjoying it so much. I always wake up crying from those dreams because I realize she really is gone and whatever happened in my dream won't be able to happen in real life. She was a neat lady and I wish she was still around to meet her great grandchild. She died in 2003 and was a catalyst for me making big and very positive changes in my life. I wish she was around to see those too. She'd really like Brooke.

Not to say I haven't had my emotional ups and downs, and I'm certainly more prone to cry at sentimental movies now, I think they're related to feeling like crap for two months and being exhausted and frustrated more than pure hormones (which judging by the amount of "morning" sickness I've had, I certainly have an abundance of those!), though I understand the hormones can give you some crazy dreams. I still have a long way to go, and perhaps they'll get the better of me down the road (delivery room does NOT count), but so far, so good. One unfounded fear down, hopefully many more to go. :-)

Now, my totally different dream about Ben Stiller on the other hand.... ?!!? Ben Affleck I could understand, but Stiller?!!? He's like a Jack Russell on PCP, high-strung and unpredictable and prone to disaster... I don't know what THAT was all about. Weird.